Tantrums (Crushes and Valentines Day)
by Neocolai
Summary: Stand-alone chapter for "Tantrums". Kylo Ren feels threatened. Poe just wants people to stop inventing romances for him. (no slash)


**This didn't quite fit with the Tantrums Aftermath timeline, being too cute and fluffy. :3 Consider it a "stand alone" chapter for Valentine's Day.**

* * *

 _(Before Kylo Ren) (Ben is nine)_

* * *

"You like her."

Teeth bared under a sneaky grin and glittering, cheeky eyes boded ill for Poe's morning. He paused with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth and glanced at Ben in the mirror. "Thtop making fun of Jess."

"Not her. Myrl." Ben fluttered his eyelashes dramatically. "You liiike her."

"Myrl is not interested, and neither is Poe Dameron." Poe spat in the sink and rinsed out his mouth, determined to ignore any further conversation. Ben slithered off the bunk and meandered up to his side.

"So she doesn't have sexy hips."

Poe gagged. " _Who_ told you that?"

"Ech'ban." Ben shrugged. "He's says you're competiting for her."

"It's _competing_ , and we're not. She doesn't like Ech'ban, either. Word has it she only appreciates guys with lekkus." Poe batted Ben's hand away from the floss and snarled at the mirror before looping the twine around his fingers. "G'bug yer informer."

"He laughs at me." Ben wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Why isn't Myrl good enough for you?"

Resting his hands, Poe sighed. "You know what? Don't talk to Ech'ban anymore. You're too young to be this informed."

"She's pretty," Ben suggested. He reconsidered and stuck out his tongue. "Like an acklay."

"Just because she isn't a brunette doesn't mean she's ugly. Back out of my mirror space."

Rolling his eyes, Ben sidestepped twice and tilted his head.

"Stop thinking," Poe growled.

"You can't _not_ think," Ben said pragmatically. "But fine. I'll leave you to your not-girlfriend. At least she's better than Jessika."

"Jessika and I are not together!" Poe called after Ben as the child leapt out the door. He glowered at a passing cadet. "Any rumors and you'll find itching powder in the sanisteam."

Rolling his eyes, the cadet strolled past Poe's death glare and continued on his way. No one questioned the antics of an irrational pilot and his pet Jedi.

They were betting on Pava and Dameron marrying by the end of their training, anyways.

* * *

( _After Force Awakens)_

* * *

Calls were imminent by now, and Poe had ceased to wonder _why_ a Sith lord would contact him while he was in the middle of changing out of his uniform.

"Can you wait five minutes?" Poe supplicated as he fumbled with his jumpsuit. BB-8 spun in an abrupt circle, as could only be translated to _'What? Not the fink again!'_

"This is important, Dameron." Kylo Ren sounded out of breath and very in-helmet (which rather demoted his terror approach). "Hux tells me you have been seducing Rey."

"You're kidding." Slouching to the floor, Poe yanked off one boot and tossed it into the corner. "You can't really love her, Ky. She's out of your league."

"Why not?" A bristling Sith lord was not all that intimidating. "She requires a teacher. I know more about the Force than Luke can ever demonstrate. She would need nothing if she only came to me."

"She's a Jedi – blue lightsaber," Poe emphasized.

"So you think that because you're a rebel, she cannot resist you," Kylo Ren asserted. "There is no honor in the Resistance."

"Kylo, I'm not courting Rey!"

"What about that one girl?" Kylo Ren suggested. "Pava. You liked her. She's on the same side."

"Wait – where did Jessika come into this?" Poe gestured helplessly to BB-8, who proffered a lighter in suggested threat. Shaking his head, Poe returned his attention to the com. "I don't even know _why_ you know about Jessika."

"Obviously it's part of the memories you no longer contain. Don't feel sorry for yourself. I'll guide you through this."

"I'm not – _what?_ – I am not searching for a life partner, Ren."

"Jessika is perfect for you," Kylo Ren commenced. "She flies, she was raised in high society, and she's closer to your age. You have to sense that she's romantically affected by you."

Poe rubbed a hand over his face. "Ben, Jess is a loyal friend and an invaluable pilot, and we are not together. This conversation is over."

He tossed the comlink to BB-8, who gladly lit its funeral pyre. One of these days General Organa would wonder how the Resistance was dispensing of so many communication devices.

It was only later that Poe realized he had called Kylo Ren ' _Ben'._ Much later Rey returned from her training with an awkward sense around Poe and a note to him from her ill admirer.

" _Mustafar is red, Kamino is blue. Court my apprentice and I'll slaughter you_."

Some days Poe felt like he spent an inordinate amount of time contemplating how Kylo Ren needed a proper thesaurus. The rest of his free time was spent exclaiming every possible reason why he wasn't dating the latest match on the betting pool.


End file.
